


Dear Shouyou

by drunkvisuals



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Flashbacks, HinataIsDead, Hurt Kageyama Tobio, Kageyama Writes Hinata A Letter, M/M, PleaseDontHurtMe, Reminiscing, Volleyball Dorks in Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-05
Updated: 2020-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:01:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,572
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23028217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/drunkvisuals/pseuds/drunkvisuals
Summary: “Dear Shouyou,You’re such a dumbass, I hope you know that. Really, you are. But somehow..you’re a dumbass that’s managed to steal my heart."OR the one where Kageyama writes Hinata a letter.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio
Comments: 4
Kudos: 49





	Dear Shouyou

**Author's Note:**

> i'm sorry, gays, please don't hurt me. i just don't ever write angst and wanted to practice writing it and this idea was the first to hit me-

“Dear Shouyou,

You’re such a dumbass, I hope you know that. Really, you are. But somehow..you’re a dumbass that’s managed to steal my heart. 

In middle school when I saw your quick for the first time..I was a goner. You were just so, so  _ breathtaking. _ So much raw talent and so much determination. I thought it was really hot..but don’t let that get to your big head.

And the first time we kissed at the end of first year? I think everyone saw it coming  _ but  _ us. I guess I can be as much as a dumbass as you, huh?” 

Kageyama Tobio pauses his typing and manages a small smile at the memory, he remembers it like it was yesterday. 

_ Karasuno had just won a very important game. The odds of them winning weren’t very high but, holy shit they  _ **_did_ ** _ it!  _

_ The entire team rushed together and into a mess of a group hug. There were pats on the back and endless amounts of high fives going around. Kageyama turned to Hinata and let out a yelp as Hinata was zooming toward him to jump into his arms for a hug.  _

_ Tobio hadn’t had enough time to brace himself so the duo tumbled gracelessly onto the floor. “Oi, dumbass Hinata! Why’d yo-” Kageyama was silenced when Hinata giggled and leaned down, pressing a soft, sweet kiss to his lips. The commotion around them died down a bit as Hinata quickly pulled back, his cheeks burning just as vibrantly as his hair.  _

_ “I-I’m sorry..I shouldn’t have done that!” Shouyou wildly flailed his arms in front of him as he tried to crawl off of Tobio.  _

_ Kageyama’s cheeks were just as flushed as Hinata’s at this point. The taller of the boys quickly tightened his arms around Hinata’s waist to keep him close. “Are you saying you regret the kiss? Because I really enjoyed it..” Kageyama mumbles quietly before leaning in and kissing Hinata again with no hesitation.  _

“And when we both became vice-captains of the volleyball team because we both wanted it so bad? We fought so hard for them to let us both be that position and I don’t regret it one bit. We wouldn’t be us if we didn’t make things a hundred times more complicated. 

We’ve had so many great times together but something I’ll never, ever forget is when we got our first apartment together. 

God, Shouyou, it wasn’t the greatest apartment ever. Far from out but it was  _ ours  _ and that’s what made it perfect. It was the first real world adult thing we’d done. Moved all the way to Tokyo for school and got that apartment. Took at like to pull off but  _ fuck _ , it was so worth it.”

“ **_Waaah!_ ** _ Tobio, we’re really doing this, huh?” Hinata asks excitedly, walking backwards to look at Kageyama while spinning their apartment key around his index finger.  _

_ “Of course we’re doing this, stupid! We’ve been saving up this whole year and went through so much trouble.” Kageyama warily eyes his tiny boyfriend. “And would you stop that! You’re gonna lose the key before we even get into the apartment,” Kageyama huffed, snatching the key out of the other boy’s small hands.  _

_ Shouyou let out a soft whine before he stuck his tongue out at Tobio. “Awe! You’re no fun, Bakageyama. I’m not stupid like you, I wouldn’t have lost it.” They bickered the rest of the way to their apartment, Hinata occasionally waving his arms in animated ways. _

_ Ugh, he was so damn  _ **_cute_ ** _.  _

_ The couple stop in front of their apartment door and Kageyama puts the key in the lock. Hinata is practically vibrating with excitement beside.  _

_ “Will you please  _ **_relax_ ** _? We don't need you breaking anything the first day we’re here, Shou.” Tobio sees Hinata open his mouth to retort but he stops short as the door is pushed open. Hinata’s honey eyes are wide as he takes in the entrance before he rushes in before Kageyama, running around the apartment.  _

_ “Gwah, look at this, Tobio” “Tobio, look how cute!!” “Ah, what’s this!!”  _

_ Kageyama rolls his eyes fondly at his boyfriend’s childish antics. He’s acting as though he’s seeing the apartment for the very first time..which he’s not.  _

_ A few weeks back the duo got to take a look at the apartment to make sure it’s what they wanted. But Tobio isn’t going to ruin the joy that’s radiating from his boyfriend. He doesn’t want to and it’s not like he can, it’s infectious and making him giddy himself.  _

_ Kageyama slings off the backpack he’s wearing and opens it up. There’s a few things in there that didn’t fit in boxes and he didn’t want a whole box for a few small items. He rummages around before pulling out a framed picture of him and Hinata in their Karasuno volleyball uniforms.  _

_ It’s candid, taken after their last game of third year. They’re sweaty and messy, cheeks flushed with exertion. But the smiles on their faces are so genuine and wide and the sparkle in their eyes as they look at each other is precious. Hinata had his arms around Kageyama’s neck and Kageyama was holding onto Hinata’s waist. The moment was sweet and heartwarming. They were lucky Yachi was able to capture a picture of it.  _

_ Tobio set the picture down on the kitchen counter just as Shouyou came bounding back into the room. He peeks at the picture curiously before a smiles breaks across his face.  _

_ “Y’know, they say home is where the heart is. And, yeah, this apartment is our home now but..to me it’s only home because you’re here. You’re my home, Tobio.” Hinata lets out a quiet laugh as Kageyama pulls him into a tight embrace. He couldn’t agree more.  _

“You make me so happy, Shouyou. I never thought I’d fall in love. I never really believed in it before I met you. 

You’ve changed my life and I can’t thank you enough for it..”

And truthfully, he can’t. For more than one reason. His smile starts to slip and a pained expression spreads across his face. Kageyama’s fingers shake as he types out. 

“I..I was so confused when I got to our apartment one day and the police were there, as well as both of our families. I thought maybe someone had broken in? But it wouldn’t have explained our families being there. 

I think I already knew the reason why but I didn’t want to accept it. It  _ couldn’t be true.  _ But when they..when they told me you died I couldn’t wrap my head around it. 

And I screamed. 

I screamed until my lungs hurt too much to continue. Your mother just held me and cried with me. Your dad was holding back his own sobs as he rubbed my back. They all tried to comfort me even though they were hurting too. 

You promised you would always be here, Shouyou. You  _ promised.  _ So where the hell are you? I need you, Shou, I can’t do this withoyt you. I’m npt invinciblw when youre not here”

Kageyama stops typing then. He  _ has  _ to. Sobs are violently wracking his frame and tears are blurring his eyes so much that he can’t see anymore. 

He grips tightly at his shirt, just over his heart. It hurts. Fuck, it hurts so  _ bad. _

__ Kageyama gasps for air and coughs as he accidentally breathes in and lets out a sob at the same time. His therapist said this would  _ help _ him! She said writing a letter would help him heal. 

But it’s not helping! It’s taking him under, it’s dragging him down and drowning him. He’s going to lose control again, he can’t afford that. He refuses to break. But it’s so fucking hard and he’s so _ weak _ . 

“Shou, please.. _ pl-please _ come back. Please! I need you. I need you so much.” Kageyama sobs loudly. “I-I’m sorry that I didn’t run to the corner store with you. Come back a-and I’ll go with you!” Tobio desperately gasps for air and pulls at his shirt, as if that’ll help him breathe better. 

“I shouldn’t have..I shouldn’t have let you go alone. I could have, I could have waited to do what I did. Just..I could have saved you. I’m so sorry, Shou. It’s a-all my fault.” Kageyama has quieted down. Silent tears are running down his cheeks and shaky hiccups are leaving him. 

Numb. Tobio is numb now and somehow it’s worse than all the pain he felt a few seconds ago. 

Kageyama is nothing more than a shell of the man he used to be. He’s become thinner and his eyes are dull and lifeless. The light in his eyes that was captured in many pictures..it’s gone out. And his apartment,  _ their  _ apartment, has never felt so damn  _ empty.  _

Tobio’s inky blue eyes look toward the velvet box laying on his desk. The engagement ring he picked when the accident happened, when Shouyou was struck by the car, is laughing at him. The ring taunts him. It tortures him.

If he was there he could’ve saved Shouyou. He could’ve pulled him out of the way, pushed him or  _ something.  _ But he wasn’t there. 

  
He couldn’t protect Shouyou. And now he’s dead. And now that ring is just a reminder of how much of a  _ failure _ Kageyama is.  _ He let Shouyou die. It’s all  _ **_his_ ** _ fault.  _


End file.
